Figured I should force myself to come and write a post, for some reason I’m scared of doing it? Sounds rather silly, but I know there’s a lot of stuff to write, and it’s conflicted with intense feelings of inadequacy akin to others who suffered abuse as children. I know that this is just a long term consequence of the neglect, but it’s still frustrating at times.
Anyway, I’ll see how much I can remember and whether I can post it in order, there are large chunks missing from both my twin sisters’ and my memories, we’re trying to piece it together!
I think the neglect started about the time my parents split up, they were fighting a hell of a lot due to my mothers alcohol abuse. Most nights it was a case of mum gets drunk, argues with dad, tried to drive off, eventually successfully leaving behind a very upset father. We didn’t know at the time (too young I guess) but my mum was having an affair with some guy she met at the pub. I should explain that after we were born my dad wanted to settle down and raise his children, my mum wanted to carry on the party lifestyle, and did. Often these arguments would be about how my mum was leaving my dad for this man, wanted my dad out, etc. One time my mum picked up dads phone (when they were split I add, she was with this guy) and a female friend of my dads’ had a huge go at her. This resulted in a physical fight where my mother bit a chunk out of my dads’ chest whilst we were screaming hysterically on the stairs. My Nanna and dad got her into the kitchen where she broke 2 windows, I don’t remember much apart from that.
Anyway, eventually my dad grew tired of my mum essentially calling the shots with her affair and put his foot down. Once my dad was gone, the neglect started. It started with little things like not keeping the house tidy, not going shopping for food (suppose they aren’t really that little huh?), we relied heavily on our Nanna bringing food for us to eat at the weekends. We frequently suffered from worms due to the lack of cleanliness in the house, we ate little, the money given to mum to spend on us was spent on cigarettes and beer, and sometimes a sausage roll from the shop, if we were lucky. As we got older we started stealing money from her jeans pockets or the bowls with change in so that we could buy some food for ourselves. To be honest I think the dogs were better fed than us at times… The parrot wasn’t, but that’s another story I suppose.
So we had the physical neglect alright, but what I never realised was how much emotional neglect there was too. Looking back, almost every evening after coming back from School (even in Primary School she wouldn’t pick us up once dad had gone… we were probably 7?) she would be on the phone, smoking and drinking beer or cider. Barely a word was spoken to us apart from to make her a coffee, there was sometimes a rare slot between calls where we might get a single question asked about our day, but that was about it. We hounded our Nan to buy Odour eliminators we could use on our School uniforms so we didn’t smell of cigarettes, dog and general filth. To be honest it probably didn’t cover it.
The biggest question I ask today, is why didn’t my family do something to get us out? Not that simple, I’ll post about that another time.